Life as I find it

Funny, naughty and irrepressible girls having a great time on a top berth of a train

In a world of speed and luxury, I had forgotten the charming sloce of India - long distance travel in Sleeper Class on Indian Railways.

This time, I was attending the HID Forum’s Group Relations conference on Leadership in a Gendered World in Bangalore which was based on the Tavistock model of sensing unconscious group processes, which is a different story. I decided to travel the way I used to travel with my family in my childhood - Sleeper Class.

So here I am on the Udyan Express that left at 8:05am sharp. This Indian Railways experience of mine is complete as I booked a waitlisted ticket days in advance and then tracked its progress eagerly, until it became RAC - Reservation against Cancellation.

Itsdifferent being a kid travelling with a family and the compartment my playground to be an adult female travelling alone, with an unconfirmed ticket and responsible for securing her own seat. Not that I hadn’t travelled by train since then, but Air conditioned compartments are just not the same thing.

I arrived early (being anxious to check my seating status) and ended up entering the train as one of the first passengers in our compartment when it was unlocked.

My first sensation was the smell - its a dingy, ammonia laden horrible smell that is particular to a sleeper class compartments with closed windows and unventilated for some time standing in a busy long distance train terminus with all its implied toilets contributing in turns towards nurturing that particular stink.

I few passengers coughed and opened windows, which brought my attention to a group of four handsome young boys a few seats down. They were watching me with equal interest - the beginnings of long distance train intrigue. More windows opened, more passengers came in, and the smell changed. It was now a complex hybrid of our original smell, perfume, hair oil, sweat, different kinds of food being opened and that typical train smell….. quite overwhelming and kind of nasty but intriguing.

The train took off and things settled down. The smells grew less intense, movement of people stilled, sounds lowered. I had claimed a top berth on entry as usual, intending to sleep my way through the otherwise monotonous journey. Plus, I felt that I had better get some sleep done while the owner of the berth sat below, as I didn’t have a confirmed berth for the night.

Lous tea vendors woke me next and I looked hazily around to see that most top berths were occupied by sleeping passengers - I guess everyone had woken up early to be on the train.

Honestly, I slept for most of the journey, but what I do remember is the sheer diversity of people. All kinds of colours, clothes, languages, foods, ages…… the informal friendliness that needs no introductions….. and three mischief making girls sitting on a top berth near me - they were partt of a large family group going to visit their village temple. Take a look

I think the key to being an unforgettable person is to be yourself. Be spontaneous, genuine and sincere. Being unique follows on its own!

Show your feelings. Many people say smile a lot and people will like you. That is true. Most people enjoy being around cheerful people, but what about when you are not happy? I think, its okay to share that too. This is different from cribbing or complaining. If you can simply express that you are unhappy, because “something makes me feel like that” it shows that you trust the person you are with with your feelings. However, if you crib and blame people, the listner feels uncomfortable. His intention was not to cause you trouble. When people share feelings, offer company, acknowledge it. Share how they impact you. If their expression reaches you, they like you. If their words don’t register, they feel irrelevant.

Be multi-faceted. Easy to say I know. It depends on person to person. Some people are multifaceted by nature, others learn. Discover new interests and present your different interests as different parts of your personality when you interact. For example: if you like playing games on the computer and reading, don’t think you’re a nobody. Know the games and books you enjoy the most. Know the qualitites you like in them when discovering new ones, and it will reflect in your speech. Be aware of what holds meaning for you, and explore it.

The value of silence is highly underestimated. I think a lot of people like me because I can be comfortable and let them be comfortable too when there is nothing to say. My attention is on them, with them and yet, there is no compulsion to speak unless there is something to say. This is good if you want to keep people interested in you long time. Sometimes, being able to just be, without being required to “perform” is what the relationship needs.

Value interactions. People are different. They think, dress, act, talk differently and differences are bound to happen. If you can recognise those as the happy by-product of your acquaintance and be willing to let the other perspectives exist without needing to demolish them, people will be more inclined to share their feelings with you. This also means that they will enjoy being with you.

Have trivia to share. Notice the world and happenings and have interesting bits to share with people that are relevant to their interests. Don’t discuss the latest make-up range with a mountaineer and benifits of organic manure with a computer geek. See if what you’re saying has relevance in their world.