Life as I find it

So many things to write about, so much to do.

I describe myself as a nomad. The life of Nomad is one that is interested in all, yet lacks attachment. In a positive way, it could be said that I belong to nowhere and am at home everywhere.

Many things are happening in life, and some synchronicity is leading to insights about myself as a woman. The roleof women in society is all crap, as we know it. Each person has their own fantasy of what society “allows” without halting to reflect that it is them that collectively create society. Anyway, all that is irrelevant to my current ponderings.

I read Germaine Greer’s book - Sex and Destiny, where she talks about the role of our sexuality in out life and the impact of the world on us based on our gender. The book is an awesome read as well as a life changing line of exploration, but what is currently on my mind is the chapter she wrote on “a child is born”. She describes a “western culture” which admittedly is unfamiliar to me, yet some observations strike a chord.

I have started seeing this whole business of contraception and family planning as a wholesale cultural hatred and negation of a woman’s fertility. Identifying goals as a working woman in a relationship with a man has taken a whole new meaning. No? Think about this:

• Pregnancy is a normal state of being for a woman - yes/no? If it is normal, why doesn’t anyone trust a pregnant woman to know what’s best for her?
• We see having more than the “prescribed number of children” as a socially embarrassing thing and consider an excess of children to be a drain on personal and national resources. Never mind if a rich man can afford a hundred kids, or a poor man can’t afford one. No one thinks that a rich man having plenty of kids will eventually lead to an increase in the population of rich people, or the division of the wealth between them will lead to decreasing differences between the rich and poor. Thinking is superfluous - the statistic is the allowed fertility.
• A woman’s fertility is unacceptable and needs to be allowed only in the form of “planned pregnancies” where the focus is not so much on her being a fertile woman as it is on planning ovulation, contraception and then living by the word of some expert (earlier it was midwives, which graduated to doctors, and now its, gynaecologists, sonography techinicians, etc) who knows better what she should do with this alien state of her body till it is rid of its alienness through birth of the child.
• Contraception is a way of removing the consequences of intimacy and reducing the requirement for commitment. Yet, how many females want to remove the requirement for committment? How many males are willing to take responsibility for their intimacies? I don’t know, but my hunch is that by solving the symptom on the physical manifestation level, we have left an entire culture vulnerable to emotional consequences.

As I sit here staring at my screen, I am wondering what impact these insights will have on my life. Will it mean a more meaningful intimacy with my husband, where awareness of the implications of the intimacy between us as man and woman open up an entire world of beauty? Or will it be a hesitation to rock the boat, where we continue to see fertility as a thing to be “controlled”. Can we acknowledge that as a woman and man, our fertility is a part of it?

What do we mean by authenticity? It is simply being transparent, sharing your state of being without camoflages and masks. Of having the courage to be, and trusting those with you enough to want them to know it.

Many a times, on programmes, the minute this word comes up, there is a whole barrage of people with objections. Doubts, problems… how it is impossible in todays world. What I see happening is that the subject is important to so many people in the group, which is how all these voices suddenly come up. I also see that there is a lot of fear of consequences if we show our true selves. If it is not liked, it leaves us in a very unhappy and vulnerable situation.

There is not much I can say that can change this. It is true. What I can share is the things that overcome this fear for me.

• I enjoy exploring life. I don’t wish to spend energy in hiding myself constantly.
• If I hide, I am operating from an assumption that what I could reveal will not be liked - this may not be true at all.
• I see strength in authenticity - no one is perfect. It is those with strength to face themselves who can see their imperfections and acknowledge them.
• I see inclusion of the others around me in authenticity. When I open myself to them, I include them in what is happening with me.
• When I am authentic and the consequences are difficult to bear, I can work to explore and change myself and situations. If I hide, I remain at their mercy forever, because I will never change them.

So how does being authentic help us:

• More energy for things we find worthwhile
• My being authentic sends a message to people that they can be themselves with me too
• Relationships based on reality rather than pretenses
• Relationships where imperfections are accepted and issues can be addressed rather than silent resentments
• The power of being exactly what we are without fear

Not worth it?