Life as I find it

I just can’t seem to let go my anxiety about terrorists capable of spewing bullets indiscriminately and running around loose. A part of me has been alert all through this crisis to be reassured that all these guys are out of action. No luck. Not even sure how many they are.

How many are they really? All kinds of conflicting information from the interview on the one guy in hand – Ajmal Amir Kasab/Qasad/Qasab. When it came to Qasab, Mumbai went bonkers – right from the man on the street, media, cops, army officials, intelligence people……

• Kasab told the police that he and 9 others got off a vessel about 10 nautical miles from Mumbai and shifted to two boats hijacked from fishermen and names the other nine.
  
• The same news (as above, in a different source) mentions the “a source in the ATS familiar with the details of the interrogation quoted him saying that in all 16 fidayeens came to Mumbai on Wednesday.”
• The same news from yet another source mentions 39 colleagues who were given the impression that they would return after causing the mayhem in India.
• While the earlier articles mention the groups splitting into batches of 5, another one speaks of a more likely four to Taj, and two each to CST, Nariman House and Oberoi.

While names and distribution details are available for only these 10 Kasab names, the number of terrorists killed/captured and “batches of 5″ rather than “split into two groups” makes me think that the “16 fidayeen” from the ATS source, or “39 colleagues” from one version of Kasab’s interview could be likely true.

How many were killed? Take a look at this timeline(1) – all data from this unless linked specifically.

Wednesday 26th November 2008:

• Taj: NDTV reported (also mentioned in the timeline) on the 26th Nov that seven terrorists had been killed at the Taj earlier.

Thursday 27th November 2008:

• Mumbai in general: “11.51 am: Five terrorists killed and one captured in Mumbai, says Maharashtra Deputy Chief Minister R R Patil outside Oberoi Hotel.” couldn’t possibly refer to the Taj guys, as the one captured was at Girgaum and five is less than seven, so it isn’t an inclusive number either.
  
• Nariman House: “12.39 pm: One terrorist holed up inside Nariman House in south Mumbai killed, says police. Six more ultras suspected to be inside the building.“
• Taj: “4.25 pm: A terrorist has been reportedly killed in Taj hotel. Reports say that commandos have started barging into the rooms of the hotel.”
• Taj: “8.00 pm: 4 more terrorists killed at the Taj. Another mammoth explosion in the Oberoi, starts huge fire.”

Friday 28th November 2008:

• Oberoi: “12.50 am: One terrorist killed at Oberoi, one still remaining.”
• Oberoi: “11:12 am: Two terrorists reported to be killed inside Trident-Oberoi hotel.” <– this could simply be an update from the earlier one killed one remaining.
• Oberoi: “12.10 pm: Terrorist reportedly killed in crossfire at Trident-Oberoi.” <— same one?
• Nariman House: “7.40 pm: Two terrorists killed in Nariman House.”

Saturday 29th November 2008:

• Taj: “8.32 am: The 59-hour siege of old Taj Hotel ends. Last terrorist killed” Followed by “8.42 am: Four terrorists killed at Taj Hotel; number of other dead and injured there still to be ascertained, says Mumbai Police Commissioner Hassan Gafoor.” and “8.49 am: Director General of National Security Guards, J K Dutt, briefs media, tells three terrorists killed in the latest operation at Taj Hotel.” <— is it four or three?

Ooooookay.

Oberoi is the easiest with the different reports probably translating into two terrorists being there and killed.

Nariman seems to have three – one killed on Thursday and two on Friday.

Taj is more complex with 7 terrorists killed on the 26th (wednesday) + one and four (assuming the later number includes the earlier reported “one”) so counting it as four and not five (thursday) + the final four (saturday) = 15 in all.

The five killed and one captured that the CM speaks about, I don’t know what to do with. I know one got killed and one captured in Girgaum. No clue on the other four. Seems unlikely that they were killed in other places and not reported, so one possibility is that the 7 thought killed at Taj on the previous day were actually 4 (someone teach people how to count)

This article brings more clarity:

“The terrorists were challenged by security men near the CST railway station. One terrorist was killed and another nabbed near the metro junction.

Five other terrorists were killed – two each at Taj Hotel and Chowpatty and one at Nariman House, he added.”

However, there is no mention of seven terrorists killed in this article.

More confusion here.

Coming to the “summary” statements of this episode, we have “Describing the mission as successful, the NSG sources said that 11 terrorists have been killed in the mission and one has been caught alive.” The one alive is a no brainer, but the eleven killed? Shouldn’t that number be higher? Or, who died when terrorists were reported killed in some instances?

How many were captured?

One in Girgaum, yes of course – our one well quoted guy.But where was he captured? Girgaum Chowpatty (most likely), CST or Taj?

What about:

• “Highly-placed police sources said two other Pakistani nationals had also been held in the course of intense fighting on Thursday. All three, the sources said, identified themselves as members of a Lashkar fidayeen squad.” from 3 Lashkar fidayeen captured
• the mysterious 9 or so? with British passports and Pakistanis of British origin? They don’t seem to appear on the action timeline, so information is quite vague.
• Who is responsible for the taxi blasts? The cops think that the bombs were planted in the taxis used by the terrorists to prevent information about them wrecking their plans, but that doesn’t explain the reports of grenades being hurled in Santa Cruz – planted bombs don’t hurl grenades….. right? Or were those reports rumors?
• If only 10 terrorists entered Mumbai hours before the attack, who in the world booked the room 630 in the Taj, stocked ammo and got visitors for four days? Kasab seems to be the source for both stories. He has a split personality?

All in all, I’m confused, and watching the media for more information.

What do I write? I am stunned. Mumbai is stunned. Statistics are all over the news and on the net, and frankly, I’m incapable of talking numbers in the face of what I am feeling.

Mumbai, my beloved city is being bullied. There is no other word for it. A bunch of random outsiders have attacked it and its people for no apparent reason.

The first I heard of this was when my husband heard of a blast at Vile Parle about a 5 min walk from my parents place. Shocked, I called them up, and called friends and family in the area or near there to ensure that all was safe. I turned on the news to see what was going on, to realize that that blast was hardly news. The town area had been attacked by terrorists with guns and grenades.

The idea was so bizarre, that my first instinct was to dismiss it as some rumour. Who in the world would believe that armed people could just walk in and fire upon the crowd in a public railway station? We aren’t some war torn country for God’s sake!

Then news reports filtered in there was firing in other places. Two people dead, three, five, seven, eleven, sixteen……… the numbers just kept exploding, and I registered with horror that this wasn’t some minor couple of rounds being fired, but proper AK-47s and hand grenades and full on battle! I stayed awake late in the night to hear the “final count” and finally slept. I woke up and fired up the computer to find out what the end tally was to read in disbelief that it hadn’t ended.

Terrorists with guns and grenades had taken people hostage in 5-star hotels. Until then, some unconscious part of me was certain that the hotel firings would be the first to be “wrapped up”, since I associated fancy places with high security and stuff. Not so at all.

Then I read about the ATS chief and an “encounter specialist” being killed. It was hard to keep from feeling demoralized. Regardless of their names, it was their “roles” that finally brought home the gravity of this absurdly filmy sounding situation. You don’t have villains spraying bullets on crowds and two pillars of security of a city succumbing within hours of each other in real life. You don’t have two of the greatest monuments of the city under attack from some stupid gun-toting bullies in real life. You don’t see this seemingly inexhaustible supply of ammunition and seemingly untiring fighters outside films.

The situation is still on. It seems to be almost at its end with the Army having taken over, hostages rescued and the final moves due to begin any time. Yet it is still incredible.

What I found awesome here was the way the news channels rallied with the news, the support and morale of the people and the courage of the forces facing their duty.

What I didn’t like so much was that the politicians of our country seem to be far behind the folks when it comes to humanity and feeling for the fellow being. There was more passion in the newscaster’s voice than the president’s address. I heard decisions, but little concern. Deepak Chopra’s interview with CNN brought alive a thought where in a world with a fourth of the population being Muslims, how could we engage them to be with us in this struggle rather than alienate them and give birth to more trouble. Yet what did I hear from the people supposedly representing the best interests of this country? I heard about how the UPA could have done this that and the other. Frankly, I’m not interested in whose blame it is. I doubt if any party wanted this to happen, and I doubt if any party truly caring about the people could think of blaming their competition rather than standing strong in support of the citizens regardless of which party they supported.

In a time like this, we need dialogue, not blame. It would be more useful to come together to see how the city could be reassured and restored to normalcy, rather than blame different political parties or the ineffectiveness of intelligence or the police or the anti-terror squad.

Be realistic folks, intelligence is called intelligence and not omnipotence for a reason. What more loyalty can our protectors show than walking into the line of fire to do their jobs as they can? Nothing is infallible, including terrorists. It is our lack of faith in “our side” that adds to our insecurity. Yet, trust is sometimes a choice. In this moment of difficulty, we can choose to find someone to blame, or we can trust that everyone is doing the best we can and see how we can combine efforts for maximum impact.

For myself, I’m hoping for things I never thought I’d hope for. I’m hoping that these terrorist guys must be feeling sleepy of all this long and stressful time they have had. I’m hoping for some incompetence where they just goof up and manage to shoot themselves in the foot. I’m hoping that they use the cyanide capsules I’ve heard terrorists carry rather than blow up my favourite landmarks when they feel they can’t go on. Or better yet, that they finally get tired of the whole thing and surrender.

Today, as I traveled from home to the Resonate Consulting office, where I have started working for the past couple of months, I was watching the world around me as the rickshaw negotiated traffic.

On the highway, there was a traffic jam. Horns blared, irritation was in the air and there were many people held from their priorities. I was to reach the office to work on something important and urgent, and I was impatient myself.

Some street kids came begging for money, others came to try to sell me things. Annoyed, I waved them away.

A child caught my eye. It was sitting on the divider near an area where some repair work was happening. Oblivious to the ponderous priorities of the world, he was lost in his own world, talking to some invisible companion. From the look of things, he was giving some instructions. He was trying to act stern and in command, but excitement bled from every gesture. I don’t know what exactly he was doing, but it was obvious that in the middle of all that dirt and grime and pollution and horns and unsafe traffic, he had found something that captured his enthusiasm.

That moment was enough to anchor me, and I felt my stress drifting away. I was to sit in traffic. I couldn’t help it, but surely I had a choice whether I wanted to spend that time stressing myself out or enjoying myself.

I found myself humming songs under my breath the rest of the way. I would work on the work when I got there, and until then I would enjoy myself.

Those who know me well, know me for a coward when it comes to being poked by sharp things. Needles are sharp. It is not so much the pain of it as the whole idea of it coming closer and closer and I know it will hurt. It goes against every instinct I have to sit still and allow it to happen.

I’ve been hiding a secret in my mouth for years. You guessed it. Its a cavity the size of a parking lot (actually there are two, but I’m ignoring the one that doesn’t hurt). It grew into these majestic proportions due to the sanctuary it got from my fear of dentists.

Logic says that I should have dealt with it before it grew big enough to hurt me…. but I guess its the kind of creeping pain that you somehow don’t notice till it gets too much, while doing something involves someone poking around in my mouth with sharp things….. is it any wonder it flourished unharmed for so long?

Actually, the cavity had made a smart choice when it chose me as its shelter of choice. It probably knew that I wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt it as long as I had a breath to fight.

Alas, it miscalculated. It exploited the very environment it lived in, and bits and pieces of my tooth cracked, and my nerves got exposed, etc. The dentist described it, but I was busy focusing on how I was not going to faint like some Victorian heroine, so there are gaps in my knowledge and teeth that will always remain thus.

But I digress. Coming back to the point and the plight of this cavity, it found itself in a situation where I didn’t have any breath to fight for it, as I was panting through the pain it had caused, and when the doctor told me that I would have to agree to a root canal or else, I was at a point of nodding at anything …. ANYTHING he said if he would make the pain go away. Thus the appointment was made.

The dentist reassured me when I arrived there jumpy as a frog. He told me it wouldn’t hurt, etc etc but I knew better. Of course it would hurt to have him poking into my mouth, but I was beyond caring – I think I was in shock from the cavity.

I clenched my hands, since the good man wouldn’t let me clench my teeth, and stared at that needle coming closer, and closer, until I couldn’t see it anymore. It pricked me, did its stuff, and I was set free to marinate my aching self in the anesthesia. I enjoyed the numbness, and for all my flinching and readiness to register and yell at the slightest pain, it actually didn’t hurt. The dentist (oh that droolworthy handsome man!) said that root canal practices have been much refined in these last few years. Sure felt like it. I don’t remember being willing to listen to any dentist before.

And the cavity? Good you asked. Wouldn’t want it to depart this world uncared for. Alas, it died. We shall mourn its sad demise.

In the meanwhile, I am now hunting for justifications to postpone the treatment of the other tooth (the one I am busy ignoring). So far, I have:

In favor of going ahead and getting the other one done too:

• It doesn’t hurt yet. When it wants the attention, it will ask for it, but then it will hurt more.
• The less the mess, the less the bill
• I liked this dentist. Don’t mind him poking around in my mouth. He’s careful.
• He’s handsome too (or at least seemed that way after this treatment – could be relief).
• I might as well get it done and put it out of my mind

In favor of postponing:

• I could put it out of my mind without doing anything to it too
• Just see the advances in dentistry in the last few years – a root canal is now painless. If I wait for a few more years, I could be spared the pain of the injection as well….

Nah…. I’m not going to analyze it too much. Let’s see what you guys have to say….

Was looking for something fun to do, and came across this Flirting game – Extreme Style by VO5, You basically create an avatar for yourself, and enter a flirting game online. Its quite fun.

What I found really interesting about this was the mischief element. Mischief always calls to me. Here was an opportunity to create a “look” for myself and interact with two other individuals – and what interaction – witty, amusing, and a competition.

Basically, three of us enter a room and one is assigned the role of a judge. The judge asks the other two questions and the winner is decided on the basis of their answers. This is a picture of me as I was waiting for my companions to join me.

My look

And this is me with my Victory Hair:

My Victory Hair Celebration

I found this to be quite an appealing promotion for the Victory Hair products – VO5 Extreme Style. It invites an attitude.

So what are you waiting for, go for it, and share your results. Join me there. I’m hoping to win some free styling products along with creating an awesome reputation for flirting.